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Things that annoy consultants

 
#1 Things that annoy consultants
13/02/2014 11:31

Bushy Eyebrow Partner

OK let's make this a comprehensive list: Things That Annoy Consultants!

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#2 RE: Things that annoy consultants
13/02/2014 12:25

detoilet Consultant to Bushy Eyebrow Partner (#1)

* Clients who think they don't need consultants

* Consultants lets say in HR thinking they are Lean Experts; or Finance consultant thinking they know Pharma

*Being interviewed for a specialist area(your speciality) by someone who hasn't a clue but makes the decision (I'm thinking job interviews here as well as consulting gigs)

* Back stabbing & general nastiness

* consultants inability to hear - you can talk all day but still get the generic powerpoint deck. I am in a site at the moment and there is a deck by a large consultancy on the wall supposedly done at great expense for this org. On the footer its says CONFIDENTIAL between (unnamed consultancy) and client (not us but someone else somewhere hundreds of miles away) - absolute quality

I'm sure I could go on

DC

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#3 RE: Things that annoy consultants
13/02/2014 12:28

marsday to Bushy Eyebrow Partner (#1)

Me

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#4 RE: Things that annoy consultants
13/02/2014 13:04

Bushy Eyebrow Partner to marsday (#3)

* Clients who don't understand that, just because the analyst's rate is £1,000/day, that doesn't mean he earns £365K/year.

* Consultants that don't have any real skills or qualifications, so try to turn everything into a discussion about "culture" or "change".

* Unrealistic job descriptions for consultants, followed by unrealistic and demotivational appraisal systems.

* Clients who get all jealous and nasty when they hear that you're staying in a **!!FOUR STAR!!** hotel, despite the fact that you'd rather be sleeping in your own bed and have spent the past 7 months on the road.

* Clients that expect you to use public transport all the time, even though it makes the journey longer and kills off what little energy you did have left in the process.

* Programmers that work on 5-year projects for the same client yet call themselves "consultants".

* Indecisive clients.

* "Potential" clients that think you'll fall for age-old tricks like saying "If you give us a good rate or really go the extra mile on this project, there's loads more to follow!"

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#5 RE: Things that annoy consultants
13/02/2014 19:38

Arby the Manager to Bushy Eyebrow Partner (#4)

* The realization when you hit middle age that you've wasted your 20s living out of a suitcase

* the utter, utter meaninglessness of the work you do in the big picture of life

* the senseless bureaurocracy, the risk aversion smothering any real innovation

* the up or out policies which mean you focus upon climbing the ladder rather than learning any deep, meaninglful insights or empathy

....anything else?

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#6 RE: Things that annoy consultants
17/02/2014 12:38

youngbuck to Arby the Manager (#5)

*having a utilisation target that is largely out of you hand, that drives you're appraisal score and subsequent (or not) promotion.

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#7 RE: Things that annoy consultants
17/02/2014 12:40

youngbuck to youngbuck (#6)

*estate agents calling themselves 'consultants'

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#8 RE: Things that annoy consultants
17/02/2014 12:46

youngbuck to youngbuck (#7)

*being sold onto projects as an expert despite the only knowledge you having is a google search an hour or so prior to the meeting

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#9 RE: Things that annoy consultants
17/02/2014 12:51

Bushy Eyebrow Partner to youngbuck (#8)

* up or out policies (in some firms)

* having your appraisal done by somebody who only considers your performance in the 3 weeks prior to the appraisal

* being expected to bring in £200K of chargeable time income despite getting paid a fifth of that

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#10 RE: Things that annoy consultants
17/02/2014 14:27

Smithy to Bushy Eyebrow Partner (#4)

No, they earn £251k/year. Surely. Surely?

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#11 RE: Things that annoy consultants
17/02/2014 15:58

presidentbartlet to Bushy Eyebrow Partner (#9)

* up or out policies (in some firms)

So I'd take issue with this one - having seen project managers from rival firms who don't have such a policy, it's clear that it's possible to get to an SM level by virtue of being around for a long time rather than by being any good.

Seen it with more than 1 person from said firm but never seen it happen with "up or out" firms...

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#12 RE: Things that annoy consultants
17/02/2014 16:33

Bushy Eyebrow Partner to presidentbartlet (#11)

Hmm. By "up or out" I mean those firms that won't let you just stay at your current grade so long as you're doing a good job. I mean the ones that fire you if you aren't good enough to do the next job up after a year or so. It's great for career progression but dreadful for job security. I'm not even really sure it's compliant with UK employment law actually - surely you can only really get fired if you don't do your actual job any good, not if they think you wouldn't be able to do the next job up?

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#13 RE: Things that annoy consultants
17/02/2014 16:49

presidentbartlet to Bushy Eyebrow Partner (#12)

Hmm. By "up or out" I mean those firms that won't let you just stay at your current grade so long as you're doing a good job. I mean the ones that fire you if you aren't good enough to do the next job up after a year or so. It's great for career progression but dreadful for job security. I'm not even really sure it's compliant with UK employment law actually - surely you can only really get fired if you don't do your actual job any good, not if they think you wouldn't be able to do the next job up?

It's not compliant - they give you enough cash to get you to voluntarily agree to sign a "compromise agreement" - I'm desperate to be counselled out so I can start on my contracting career but I need to miss a few promotions first...

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#14 RE: Things that annoy consultants
17/02/2014 16:56

Bushy Eyebrow Partner to presidentbartlet (#13)

Hmm, years ago when I was much, much younger, I got "counselled out" and all I got was 3 months salary and had to work one of those months to finish my project from the basement of some blue-chip office in some far-flung country, Germany I think. I couldn't concentrate on my work because I was so worried, I couldn't dedicate time to a job search, I couldn't make telephone calls to recruitment agents from the packed-out little team room where everybody could hear every single squeak and fart, I had to act all happy and smiley during client workshops even though I was sorely unhappy on the inside, and to top it all off, the gits even wanted me to do all-nighters while I was working out this period. My reason for getting counselled out was officially that "I didn't have what it takes to get to the next level". Having been brainwashed into thinking that we were all "masters of the universe" so to speak, the very best of the best, the creme de la creme of the intellectual elite, tomorrow's leaders and ultra high flyers who could do literally ANY job they wanted to, many good people now found themselves being told they weren't really much good after all, or that they were "hiring mistakes" and were then uncerimoniously booted out. Informally, however, I could see that the company was getting rid of people left right and centre and had about 50 people on the bench at the time. I think it's a disgusting practice, along with things like ghosting of hours worked. Of course, at the time, I was young and naive. I didn't have the confidence to try and "take on" such a large, powerful company - and in any event getting even was the least of my worries, I had rent to pay and needed a new job fast! I was also concerned that I would get a bad reference or be "blacklisted" or something if I went down the legal route. Frankly I for one think "up or out" is a disgusting practice and I would certainly recommend to anybody that gets "up or out'ed" to look into employment tribunal options and use that as a bargaining chip for getting some sort of meaningful pay-off (even if, instead of giving you money, the firm lets you leave in a way that doesn't turn your life upside down, perhaps by using its contacts to properly help you find a new role in another firm that you like)... but remember you have to get in there fast, I think 3 months is the cut-off period.

My advice to any young people out there is as follows: If you don't like where you work or if you see the senior folk bullying people or being otherwise unkind, get your CV out into the market and leave as soon as you can. I know it's not so easy these days, but don't be loyal to a company that is obviously treating its staff badly. Good companies DO exist - they might not pay quite as much, but you'll be a happier person and your family will benefit in the long-run too.

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#15 RE: Things that annoy consultants
17/02/2014 23:03

youngbuck to Bushy Eyebrow Partner (#14)

*having to fill in my timecard with 37.5 hours regardless

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#16 RE: Things that annoy consultants
18/02/2014 03:08

Camster to youngbuck (#15)

*Only an S5 as company car.

*Not offering freedom of choice in the provision of mistresses.

*Not making sure that female consultants hired are nothing short of drop-dead gorgeous as well as open to suggestions.

Those are the burning points.

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#17 RE: Things that annoy consultants
18/02/2014 13:10

Willis to Camster (#16)

Re. the female consultants comment - you're working at the wrong firm :p

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#18 RE: Things that annoy consultants
18/02/2014 13:14

Willis to youngbuck (#15)

* Managing incompetent 'consultants' who can't put a deck together despite me given them the template, structure and content.

* Rubbish tea/coffee facilities on client site.

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#19 RE: Things that annoy consultants
18/03/2014 09:24

kol1 to Willis (#18)

i am distinctly thinking of a large UK bank with a blue badge when you referenced the tea and coffee facilities.

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#20 RE: Things that annoy consultants
03/04/2014 04:41

nobleflint to Bushy Eyebrow Partner (#1)

OK let's make this a comprehensive list: Things That Annoy Consultants!

Nagging boss...

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#21 RE: Things that annoy consultants
04/04/2014 01:35

BMGIIndia to Bushy Eyebrow Partner (#1)

The experts offering management consulting services get annoyed when:

They are not shared the required information by the clients but they are expected to take care of all the minor concerns.

They are interviewed over a particular topic about which the other person is not aware.

The come across changed business plans of clients without timely informed.

They are expected to deliver more than the possibilities.

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#22 RE: Things that annoy consultants
07/04/2014 15:01

Smithy to Bushy Eyebrow Partner (#1)

Old-style KitKats.

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#23 RE: Things that annoy consultants
07/04/2014 15:52

Bushy Eyebrow Partner to Smithy (#22)

Yeah, those suck. I'd like to go to a proper office where they give you a plate of Yorkie bars with your cup of tea.

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#24 RE: Things that annoy consultants
09/04/2014 09:27

Smithy to Bushy Eyebrow Partner (#23)

When you find one of those, please let me know. All the chocolate at my current location is protected by glass and I cannot get to it.

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#25 RE: Things that annoy consultants
09/04/2014 12:24

marsday to Bushy Eyebrow Partner (#23)

....

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#26 RE: Things that annoy consultants
09/04/2014 12:27

marsday to marsday (#25)

Old style kitkats and Yorkies for that matter are ok, but lack potential for a proper chocolate moment. Take the humble Mars (obviously) - you can (carefully) get the chocolate and caramel off, leaving an unstable layer of nougat. Works with Snickers too, but the peanuts seems to destabilise the nougat layer and once removed its hard to keep the remainder in one piece.

Another option is Bounty - but gotta do the whole coconut thing. Get 2 attempts every bar which is a bonus.

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#27 RE: Things that annoy consultants
09/04/2014 14:42

Bushy Eyebrow Partner to marsday (#26)

Hehe I had a feeling you might be a fan of the timeless "Mars Bar" of which I am also a great fan.

I also like nibbling the biscuit bit off of a twix so that I'm left with a tasty caramel strip as a treat at the end (which is typically 20 seconds after opening the packet).

:)

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#28 RE: Things that annoy consultants
09/04/2014 14:59

marsday to Bushy Eyebrow Partner (#27)

40 seconds BEP - there are TWO bars in a Twix.

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#29 RE: Things that annoy consultants
09/04/2014 15:02

Bushy Eyebrow Partner to marsday (#28)

LOL, I think I must be too used to those stingy "fun size" single-stick versions (nothing fun about that!). :)

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#30 RE: Things that annoy consultants
09/04/2014 21:01

presidentbartlet to Bushy Eyebrow Partner (#29)

I remember every time I went to ATOS for meetings that their office they served huge chocolate eclair cakes - the ladies in the office would hover outside the meeting room for 5 minutes and then dive in to take them away and devour them.

My (female) boss tried to eat one once in a workshop but ended up finding the whole situation fairly inappropriate!

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#31 RE: Things that annoy consultants
09/04/2014 22:58

ConsultTV to presidentbartlet (#30)

Hey guys,

Looking around consulting forums in an effort to pitch you on a television series I'm casting for! If any of you are in relationships with women/men who don't quite understand finances as well as you do, and it's affecting the relationship, send me an email at casting@triplethreattv.com!

Thanks,

Adam

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#32 RE: Things that annoy consultants
10/04/2014 00:18

Phil to ConsultTV (#31)

Wait, I'm seriously interested in this. I knew that somewhere down the line this line of work would have given me a shot at fame!

Just to make sure I have the right skills, what do you exactly mean with being in a relationship with a woman who doesn't understand finances? If you mean wives spending money while husband is on the road somewhere between Birmingham and Leicester I think quite a few of us tick that box

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#33 RE: Things that annoy consultants
10/04/2014 09:29

presidentbartlet to Phil (#32)

Wait, I'm seriously interested in this. I knew that somewhere down the line this line of work would have given me a shot at fame!

Just to make sure I have the right skills, what do you exactly mean with being in a relationship with a woman who doesn't understand finances? If you mean wives spending money while husband is on the road somewhere between Birmingham and Leicester I think quite a few of us tick that box

And then some. Thank goodness for Barclays mobile banking app and American Express's app!

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