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Military Precision Consulting

 
#1 Military Precision Consulting
01/11/2013 10:31

Bushy Eyebrow Partner

Hi guys,

As I was scrubbing myself in the bath last night, a random thought crossed my mind. It struck me how feeble and left-wing consultancy has become these days.

I remember the days when people used to sh1t themselves when the consultants arrived. They feared big headcount reductions, restructuring and job losses. The consultants had power - p1ss one off and you could easily find yourself at the wrong end of recommendation 8 in the report.

Nowadays, however, we see consultants being regularly beaten up by even the most wimpy little public sector managers. Treating us like vendors, summoning the team to reviews and starting with "so how do you think it's going?", nailing us down on price and expecting us to work for peanuts, using rubbishy little ploys like "do a really good job on this one for a really low price and there MIGHT be some follow-on work!", and expecting us to work all night on process maps while they leave the office at 4.45pm after a hard day's worth of achieving nothing (again).

So, I was thinking, how can we get away from this pathetic trend? Instead of running touchy-feely workshops where we all discuss how the introduction of a new CRM system might make us "feel" and the impact it might have on our "culture", how can we get some backside-kicking, right-wing, robust ACTION happening again?

Then I thought - they don't put up with this kind of drivel in the army. They either get things right - or they end up with a mortar landing on their head. No fudging the issue or hiding behind BS excuses there. So I wonder how a bunch of ex-Sergeant Majors would go about delivering consultancy services? As in the sort of sergeant major from the film Full Leather Jacket. How would they go about "Ripping sh1t up" and "getting results"?

So, any ideas how they might brand themselves? Service types or propositions they would offer? How they might position themselves in the market? Logos and straplines?

Would be interested to hear your thoughts!

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#2 RE: Military Precision Consulting
01/11/2013 10:50

Freezing to Bushy Eyebrow Partner (#1)

well....this puts me in mind of...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RzToNo7A-94

I think that if we got more 'physical'...things would be just dandy :)

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#3 RE: Military Precision Consulting
01/11/2013 11:15

Bushy Eyebrow Partner to Freezing (#2)

LOL Brilliant!!!! Every good consultancy firm should have a Terry Tate.

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#4 RE: Military Precision Consulting
01/11/2013 11:18

Bushy Eyebrow Partner to Bushy Eyebrow Partner (#3)

Oh man...

"If it ain't something that's broken, then there's no need to repair it"

Gold!

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#5 RE: Military Precision Consulting
01/11/2013 11:42

Freezing to Bushy Eyebrow Partner (#4)

I love the WOOOOO at the end of every nugget of gold he comes out with.

We definitely need more Terry Tate-esque characters in consulting!

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#6 RE: Military Precision Consulting
01/11/2013 11:50

Bushy Eyebrow Partner to Freezing (#5)

Yes, it would certainly beat having the office full of nick clegg types moping around and whining about their flexi-leave all day

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#7 RE: Military Precision Consulting
04/11/2013 14:05

presidentbartlet to Bushy Eyebrow Partner (#6)

Yes, it would certainly beat having the office full of nick clegg types moping around and whining about their flexi-leave all day

Have you seen the spreadsheets they've set up to track their flexi though? Would put the brightest MBBer to shame with the time and effort that's put into it!

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#8 RE: Military Precision Consulting
05/11/2013 09:23

Bushy Eyebrow Partner to presidentbartlet (#7)

Yeah, like most lefties and liberals, they can be extraordinarily capable when they're motivated by self-interest.

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#9 RE: Military Precision Consulting
06/11/2013 12:14

Evil Consultant to Bushy Eyebrow Partner (#8)

As opposed to us more conservative chaps who are motivated by the wonderful life experience of consulting, altruism, raindrops on roses and little dogs' noses?

EC

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