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The slimey consultant

#1 The slimey consultant
21/11/2012 15:39

Bushy Eyebrow Partner

Let's write a story. I'll start the first paragraph. Subsequent posts should build on the story. Perhaps one day this could become a book or a film. Well, here goes.


As the slimey consultant slithered into the wine bar, he could hear the distant chattering of the year-1 intakes. He rammaged through his man-bag for his copy of "True Professionalism" but found nothing but a bunch of Big-4 business cards, a grubby airline ticket and his new Lenovo laptop. A self-professed "smooth-operator", he knew that this was his opportunity to express his intelligence and the superior prowess he had built up with over a whole year's worth of experience gained single-handedly developing global strategies for the new millennium for the very most senior management of the world's biggest global organisations.

(please continue)

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#2 RE: The slimey consultant
21/11/2012 23:47

Mr Cool to Bushy Eyebrow Partner (#1)

I'm afraid there is no second chapter in a consultants life.

With apologies to FSF

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#3 RE: The slimey consultant
22/11/2012 09:11

abc123 to Mr Cool (#2)

He casually sidestepped over to the new joiners, and with a cheeky hair flick, slammed his hand down on the table. "Nicholas Fowler...partner" he said sternly. "You must be the latest intake at BigDick & Co."

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#4 RE: The slimey consultant
22/11/2012 09:30

Bushy Eyebrow Partner to abc123 (#3)

The naive year-one intake stopped dead in their conversation. Fearful that they might make the wrong impression in front of the powerful partner, they focused on looking thoughtful and focused; as if they had been diligently discussing the merits of emerging global strategms for their clients also. The sultry jazz music continued to play in the background. Sophisticated yet upbeat and modern, it was the kind of metrosexual guff that most people can't bear to listen to. Fowler looked straight at them; it was a standoff yet also his big chance to command respect in a social setting.

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#5 RE: The slimey consultant
22/11/2012 12:21

Tony Restell ( to Bushy Eyebrow Partner (#4)

@BEP - are you on gardening leave right now?! ;-)

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#6 RE: The slimey consultant
22/11/2012 13:01

Bushy Eyebrow Partner to Tony Restell ( (#5)

Hehe, just a little bit bored really. I like to Alt-Tab across to the web every now and then as I'm working. I think I've pretty much read the entire Internet now. I think this forum is great and love the idea of live, light-hearted interaction with other consultants. :-)

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#7 RE: The slimey consultant
22/11/2012 14:59

Mr Cool to Tony Restell ( (#5)

I assumed it was you Tony, bumping up your page impression stats.

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#8 RE: The slimey consultant
22/11/2012 16:28

Tony Restell ( to Mr Cool (#7)

Ha! The day my browsing through Top-Consultant has a material impact on the site's page impressions will be the day we'd need to look at shutting up shop!!

I do love the usernames people choose though, certainly adds a certain je ne sais quoi don't you think?!

Sorry @BEP - no more hijacking of the thread by me, back to the story now...

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#9 RE: The slimey consultant
22/11/2012 22:17

CheckingOut to Tony Restell ( (#8)

*Whilst contemplating what to say, Fowler's mind wandered*

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#10 RE: The slimey consultant
23/11/2012 11:30

Bushy Eyebrow Partner to CheckingOut (#9)

He just couldn't get his mind off the opportunties presented by Asian tiger economies, or that article he recently read in The Economist about global strategy in China. The world economy was his oyster! "W..wo...would you like to like to join us for a drink?" squeaked Shamari Shakrabooty, the eager first-year analyst. Fowler glared across the room, considering his response.

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#11 RE: The slimey consultant
27/11/2012 17:28

abc123 to Bushy Eyebrow Partner (#10)

"Yes, I will join you. But I've not got long, I'm flying to Shanghai later this evening". "What do you do?" the nervous Shakrabooty asked. Fowler had been hoping they would ask this since the moment he spotted them in the bar. "I'm a partner at a leading management consultancy; I help companies across the globe to identify and exploit business opportunities...I'm kind of a big deal in the management consulting world".

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#12 RE: The slimey consultant
27/11/2012 18:01

Camster to abc123 (#11)

Bummer. Just read through and was about to go in a different direction (before #11) - muahahahahaha....

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#13 RE: The slimey consultant
27/11/2012 18:51

Mr Cool to Camster (#12)

In the good old pre-registration days, I'd have joined in pretending to be a Channel 4 researcher interested in buying the above script to turn into a sort of "Fresh Meat:Post Graduation" spin off sit-com.

C'mon tony, turn off registration. Who cares if you get sued for publishing anonymous libel; much more important that we have a channel to vent our juvenile sense of humour, surely.

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#14 RE: The slimey consultant
29/11/2012 21:35

CheckingOut to abc123 (#11)

*Fowler allowed this last sentence to percolate amongst the gathered group. One by one he sized them up. It had been a while since Emma left him and he so missed female company.*

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#15 RE: The slimey consultant
05/12/2012 13:07

Bushy Eyebrow Partner to CheckingOut (#14)

One of the consultants, Dave Turner, was a little more confident than Shakrabooty. A naturally confident character and a self-professed "alpha male", Dave had mastered the art of being slightly cocky in order to impress girls at the bar scene. Something of a "lad" and a bit of a "player", Dave knew his way around the bar scene well.

"So Nick... aren't you going to buy us all a round then?" he brazenly remarked to Fowler in front of the group. Fowler had been put on the spot.

Setting aside the fact that Fowler's main pride was his extraordinarily thrifty approach to life, it infuriated him that a mere junior had tried to socially "out-play" him - not to mention trying to get him to spend his OWN money on buying them drinks. Now, Fowler recognised that he was no alpha male in the social scene. It may have been outside of work, but dammit he was a PARTNER and was NOT going to let this junior get away with that. A very, very competitive and naturally angry kind of man, Fowler was screaming with anger inside his mind at Dave Turner's attempt to out-alpha him. After all, this had been Fowler's big opportunity and now some junior was trying to steal it from him. You could see the fear suddenly take a grip and show in the juniors' faces. Even Turner suddenly realised the serious mistake he had just made.

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