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tough choice

#1 tough choice
11/05/2009 15:00


Two options;

a) Remain in an unhappy marriage, tough it out to stay with the kids. But basically trench warfare.

b) Leave, try to accept seeing your kids every other weekend. Enjoy the release of leaving an unhappy partnership but bitterly resent leaving your kids.

No other background but which do you go for? Anybody faced this?

The dilemma is that leaving your family is non-reversible, but you only get one choice at being happy.

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#2 RE: tough choice
11/05/2009 15:28

Casio to kp (#1)

Personally I would leave, tough on the kids but probably healthier in the end.

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#3 RE: tough choice
11/05/2009 16:00

qa to Casio (#2)

Some other options:

c) Talk to your partner. Find some common things to do together. Improve the relationship.

d) Have marriage counselling

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#4 RE: tough choice
11/05/2009 16:10

Hugh Hefner to kp (#1)

Do it.

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#5 RE: tough choice
11/05/2009 16:44

anon to deleted (#0)

Why is it an unhappy marriage? I guess it was ok at some point? What has changed?

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#6 RE: tough choice
11/05/2009 17:18

Roger to anon (#5)

I would say leave.

Having been a kid looking up at an unhappy parternship between parents I think it would have been much better/easier in the long run if they had just given up early on, separated, and both would probably have found much greater happiness elsewhere.

Why not have a second go at finding a new partner and happiness at this stage - instead of waiting for your kids to leave home at which point you will have missed out on 5/10/15/18 years of happiness with another partner.

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#7 RE: tough choice
11/05/2009 17:52

Cynic to Roger (#6)

Obviously I don't know the specifics of the situation and what exactly is making the marriage "unhappy" or how long it's been like this for, but....

My advice is to stay. Stick it out. Work on the relationship and try and repair it. Things were great once, right? - So why not now? What changed? What needs to change again in order to make it all good again? The best things usually take effort...

If things get REALLY difficult, why not give her a 'clarion call'? This is your last ditch attempt to make her see reason and change (assuming the major issue is her behaviour). When you get to the stage where you really, genuinely, 100% are sure that you're going to leave - do it. Pack your bags and go on a holiday abroad for a week. Tell her that she is being unreasonable and you simply cannot take any more, and that you need a holiday on your own to get over it all. Tell her also that, when you get back, if her attitude/behaviour hasn't completely changed, or if you get one single verbal attack or the like from her... then you'll be off for good. A week of holiday will give you time to get things straight in your own head and partially recover from the stress of it all. Then, when you return, you'll be in a position to stick to your words and act on them as you told her. This kind of wake-up call might just work.

Only one other point from me - be honest with yourself: is it 6 of one and half a dozen of the other? Are you being unreasonable? The "you only get one choice at being happy" sounds just a little bit self-centered? Are your expectations realistic?

Whatever you decide to do - Good luck and we all hope it works out well.

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