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Jokes - Anyone got any good ones???

 
#1 Jokes - Anyone got any good ones???
18/11/2008 12:01

A Joke a Day

OK - so I'm looking for some good, tasteful jokes - I need them for a particular event. Anyone got any good ones?

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#2 RE: Jokes - Anyone got any good ones???
18/11/2008 14:13

Oldie but goodie to A Joke a Day (#1)

What's the definition of optimism?

A banker who irons five shirts on Sunday.

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#3 RE: Jokes - Anyone got any good ones???
18/11/2008 14:14

The Mad Hatter to Oldie but goodie (#2)

Haha - loving this. Keep 'em coming guys!!

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#4 RE: Jokes - Anyone got any good ones???
18/11/2008 14:17

not so fat cat to The Mad Hatter (#3)

Quote of the day:

'The financial situation at the moment is so bad that women are now marrying for love'

p.s. I'm loving the kit kat joke boaby!

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#5 RE: Jokes - Anyone got any good ones???
18/11/2008 16:48

maradona to deleted (#0)

Ok, how about a German joke ?

Ques: Why Maradona scored a goal using his hand ?

Ans: He wanted to be a goal keeper

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#6 RE: Jokes - Anyone got any good ones???
19/11/2008 00:30

taxman to not so fat cat (#4)

Whats the capital of Iceland

A: About £3.50

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#7 RE: Jokes - Anyone got any good ones???
21/11/2008 01:48

anon to A Joke a Day (#1)

An architect, a surgeon and a banker are discussing the Creation.

The surgeon says: ‘Look, we surgeons are most important. God’s a surgeon because the first thing he did was to extract Eve from Adam’s rib.’

The architect says: ‘No, God must be an architect. He made the world in seven days out of chaos.’

The banker smiles: ‘And who made the chaos?’

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#8 RE: Jokes - Anyone got any good ones???
22/11/2008 03:31

To All You Wannabe Consultants to anon (#7)

A shepherd was herding his flock in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of the dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in a Broni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window and asked the shepherd,..........

"If I tell you exactly how many sheep you have in your flock, will you give me one?"

The shepherd looked at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looked at his peacefully-grazing flock and calmly answered, "Sure."

The yuppie parked his car, whipped out his IBM Thinkpad and connected it to a cell phone, then he surfed to a NASA page on the internet where he called up a GPS satellite navigation system, scanned the area, and then opened up a database and an Excel spreadsheet with complex formulas. He sent an email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, received a response. Finally, he prints out a 130 page report on his miniaturized printer then turns to the shepherd and says,.........

"You have exactly 1586 sheep".

"That is correct; take one of the sheep" said the shepherd.

He watches the young man select one of the animals and bundle it into his car.

Then the shepherd says: "If I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my animal?"

"OK, why not" answered the young man.

"Clearly, you are a consultant" said the shepherd.

"That's correct" says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"

"No guessing required" answers the shepherd. "You turned up here although nobody called you. You want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked, and you don't know crap about my business.... Now give me back my dog".

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#9 RE: Jokes - Anyone got any good ones???
22/11/2008 03:41

One Helluva Shafted IBer (i.e. ZB) to To All You Wannabe Consultants (#8)

Q - 'What's the difference between investment bankers and London pigeons ?'.

A- 'The pigeons are still capable of making deposits on new BMW's'.

Q - 'What does a hedge fund manager with no fund to manage say ?'

A - 'Would you like fries with that, sir ?'

Q - 'What's the difference between an investment banker and a large pizza ?'

A - 'A large pizza can feed a family of four'.

'I lent my brother 10 bucks a couple of weeks back. Now turns out I'm America's fourth-biggest lender!'.

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