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Manipulative, backstabbing colleague

 
#1 Manipulative, backstabbing colleague
06/06/2007 13:01

Fed up

What is the best way to deal with a maniuplative colleague who very very subtly but very very effectively backstabs you? Her ability to manipulate people and generally 'twist' things is incredible.

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#2 RE: Manipulative, backstabbing colleague
06/06/2007 13:12

God to Fed up (#1)

Bed her.

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#3 RE: Manipulative, backstabbing colleague
06/06/2007 13:13

Anon to Fed up (#1)

Run a Log, get it all down, and when the moment arises bring it all out - not to the antagonist, but to a decision maker who is mutual to you both.

Fed Up, if your greivance is fair, you shouldn't have to put up with this, but you do need to deal with it professionally, and dispassionately - you owe it to the next guy 'in the firing line' to stop this sort of destructive behaviour taking place.

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#4 RE: Manipulative, backstabbing colleague
06/06/2007 13:15

Anon again to Anon (#3)

...or, of course, you could go with God's suggestion, if you like playing with fire...!

Good luck, all the same.

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#5 RE: Manipulative, backstabbing colleague
06/06/2007 13:40

A nun to Anon again (#4)

Also, if you see it written down you can see if it makes you sound crazy or not.

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#6 RE: Manipulative, backstabbing colleague
06/06/2007 13:41

Fed up to Anon again (#4)

A lot of the problem is that each instance of the backstabbing is so subtle that for me to raise it would look extremely petty. Some of it would also look inconsequential on paper, it's more the subtleties of how and when she says things to people that make it manipulative. I'm not sure how to handle it although agree that documenting it seems like the only way forward.

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#7 RE: Manipulative, backstabbing colleague
06/06/2007 13:49

Anon to Fed up (#6)

Stab back.

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#8 RE: Manipulative, backstabbing colleague
06/06/2007 14:07

God to Anon (#7)

BED HER!

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#9 RE: Manipulative, backstabbing colleague
06/06/2007 14:14

Fed up to God (#8)

I'd quite like to bed her but I think it would take too much time investment. Plus, although she's backstabbing me, I'm too far into the 'friends' territory if that isn't a contradiction

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#10 RE: Manipulative, backstabbing colleague
06/06/2007 15:17

Anon to Fed up (#9)

Now I'm confused - it sounds like you need to decide whether she is making your life a misery, or just taking office banter too far. Try writing it down for a bit, if it sounds stupid let it go - you'll only embarass yourself with a boss. But equally give her some of the same back, catch her when she least expects it/in front of someone else, and see where it goes from there...

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#11 RE: Manipulative, backstabbing colleague
06/06/2007 15:48

anon to Anon (#10)

When I was at school I used to hit boys i liked.

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#12 RE: Manipulative, backstabbing colleague
06/06/2007 16:20

Anon to Fed up (#1)

Had a similar problem, sent the culprit a lovely article from Mckinsey Quartely on the total cost of working with jerks:

Building the civilized workplace:

"Nasty people don't just make others feel miserable; they create economic problems for their companies."

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#13 RE: Manipulative, backstabbing colleague
06/06/2007 19:59

Paneer to Anon (#12)

I haven't read it yet but the full text of the article (no need to register or pay etc) is available here:

http://www.plantemoran.com/NR/rdonlyres/F284AA1E-F0F1-44E0-9C04-3CB2AF951967/0/Building_Civilized_Workplace.pdf

My tuppence-worth:

All of my experience suggests that this type of issue has to be dealt with quickly, explicitly and thoroughly. This, as ever, is easier said than done. I used to work in the civil service and our "Harassment / Bullying" investigation code spelt out that this would often be subtle and difficult to prove without investigating the context etc fully. I don't know if this is still used or was ever feasible.

Your colleague's behaviour is what we used to call childish, although adults are much better at it. As any kid will tell you, if you just accept it, the 5th or 6th time she gets away with it, you become her bitch. My suggestion would be a calculated over-reaction on your part, followed by a platonic kiss and make up.

Don't be tempted to get other people to gang up on her with you, as this seldom works. Letting a couple of people know you are going to say something is different and may increase your standing.

Good luck.

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#14 RE: Manipulative, backstabbing colleague
18/06/2007 12:09

Anon to Paneer (#13)

I've recently encountered this kind of behavior in the recruitment process. I was scheduled for a final round with the practice lead, told I would be sent an offer. Then the hr person took one look at me and at last minute called it off after 3 other interviews. She degraded me throughout the mtg. Id already rescheduled someone else in my firm to fly out for my project so i could make the last (5th) interview (costing us a good bit). The hr person let me know last minute by email. The reasons she cited were nothing to do with anything we discussed and made no real sense in context of all my other discussions. ?

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#15 RE: Manipulative, backstabbing colleague
18/06/2007 13:18

Hey Nonny Nonny to Anon (#14)

Bed HR!! Or better still, bed your boss!

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#16 RE: Manipulative, backstabbing colleague
18/06/2007 13:20

Rich to Hey Nonny Nonny (#15)

Difficult one here I'm afraid. You don't mention whether she is senior to you or not? Is she?

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#17 RE: Manipulative, backstabbing colleague
18/06/2007 13:24

Hard Reality to Hey Nonny Nonny (#15)

This sort of thing is a nightmare. Ultimately, these people tend to get found out in the end and are often making less of a positive impression than you think they are. Hang tight, keep your head down and make sure you consistently rise above her. The opportunity to deliver the killer blow will soon arise. Try spiking her drink when out with your boss. See if you can get her to disgrace herself in public. Hopefully she won't end up sleeping with the boss and making the situation worse.... or is that already happening.

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#18 RE: Manipulative, backstabbing colleague
18/06/2007 16:31

t'other anon to Anon (#14)

Anon - it sounds like HR had been given the job of getting rid of you without being given much ammo to do it with. Pity none of your interviewers had the guts to do the job themselves. They probably filled the position with someone's best mate then didn't know how to back out of the process with you without you sueing them for discrimination of some kind. Not sticking up for HR for the sake of it, I've just been within firms when they do this kind of thing.

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#19 RE: Manipulative, backstabbing colleague
21/06/2007 12:58

Anon to t'other anon (#18)

Hi, t'other, thanks for your reply. I had two really good interviews. There would be no need for them to call me in for a final with the lead of the practice. They could have simply closed the process. From the HR person's perspective, he told me that he had to talk the lead guy in the business out of proceeding. I've had no dealings with the business since the second round. HR rang me twice before noon the day after my two first interviews. Full on and then stopped by HR who said he made the decision to stop it and from what I can tell, made up reasons to tell the business, as the reasons he cited made no sense whatsoever in the context of what I said or what the three consultants I met with had explained to me.

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