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Consultanguage Vol 1 - 'The acronyms and business bullsh*t terms of the industry'

 
#1 Consultanguage Vol 1 - 'The acronyms and business bullsh*t terms of the industry'
08/11/2006 11:15

Dave McConsultant

Some of the most interesting threads of recent weeks have been ones with a core theme that others can just rock up and add to.

Given that we work in a profession that thrives off the use of acronyms (SAP, M&A etc...) and business bullsh*t terms (space, engage etc...)lets see how many we can get down in the interests of a little self flagilation and for the benefit of those using this forum to gen-up on the industry.

I'm calling our dynamic dialogue 'Consultanguage' and am going to kick off with my top one so here goes...

TLA - three letter acronym

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#2 RE: Consultanguage Vol 1 - 'The acronyms and business bullsh*t terms of the industry'
08/11/2006 12:35

Boxershorts to Dave McConsultant (#1)

I've also heard it termed 'Consultobabble'.

My favourites have got to be:

VC - Venture Capital / Venture Capitalist

2x2 - as in 2 by 2 matrix

Bschool - Business School

and, of course,

MC - Management Consultant / Management Consulting

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#3 RE: Consultanguage Vol 1 - 'The acronyms and business bullsh*t terms of the industry'
08/11/2006 12:44

Bonzer to Boxershorts (#2)

"synergy"

and, the daddy of all consulting terms,

"leverage"

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#4 RE: Consultanguage Vol 1 - 'The acronyms and business bullsh*t terms of the industry'
08/11/2006 13:46

anon to Bonzer (#3)

Dave's thread has started in a quite lighthearted way. It does no harm to differentiate the one's we should be aware of (M&A) from those that we are too polite to ask about (dd in a thread below is a case in point - shouldn't that be caps locked sir?).

TLA is probably my favourite too.

Anyway rather than only rewrite other threads, here is an interesting one from the financial sector.

RAMBO (Rescue After a Management Buy Out)

Sometimes MBOs go wrong (too high a price paid, management team not up to the job). In these circumstances a RAMBO may be required!

Any others - it's more fun than doing the crossword at lunchtime...

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#5 RE: Consultanguage Vol 1 - 'The acronyms and business bullsh*t terms of the industry'
08/11/2006 14:40

the oozinator to anon (#4)

<b>"Ooze"</b>

Example 1: "Someone needs to tell the client that running a second round of workshops is ooze."

Example 2: "I'm afraid that I'm oozing on this work. We may need to rebudget."

Etymology: An adaptation of a TLA, "ooze" was originally spelled "O.O.S.", which in turn stands for "out of scope". Therefore, in the first example the client has asked for work to be done that was clearly not part of the original agreement. In the second example, the consultant is concerned that there is an unanticipated amount of "scope creep" in the project.

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#6 RE: Consultanguage Vol 1 - 'The acronyms and business bullsh*t terms of the industry'
08/11/2006 15:25

A to Dave McConsultant (#1)

just few from the sc sector:

WMS/SAP/MRP/MPS/AFO/APF/TPM/SSCC/RFID//SKU/BtB and all the FIFO/FEFO/LIFO and the list goes on

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#7 RE: Consultanguage Vol 1 - 'The acronyms and business bullsh*t terms of the industry'
08/11/2006 16:02

Mr G to A (#6)

My personal favourite - JFDI

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#8 RE: Consultanguage Vol 1 - 'The acronyms and business bullsh*t terms of the industry'
08/11/2006 17:40

tc to Mr G (#7)

use in meetings of "SUMO"

and the bullshit bingo top scorer "just want to make sure we're swimming in the same think tank"

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#9 RE: Consultanguage Vol 1 - 'The acronyms and business bullsh*t terms of the industry'
08/11/2006 18:02

anon to tc (#8)

To which those who still are and have a sense of humour should respond

BIN-GO ! (Big International Non-Governmental Organisation)

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#10 RE: Consultanguage Vol 1 - 'The acronyms and business bullsh*t terms of the industry'
08/11/2006 18:51

anon to anon (#9)

There are so many of these acronyms and phrases around that I think we have to start inventing some of our own to get our own back.

How about "squeeze the cheese" - kind of a conflation of "meet the big cheese" and "press the flesh". "Squeeze the cheese" would mean having a meeting with the most important client on the project. For example, by "squeezing the cheese", you can test how "firm" their commitment is to a difficult decision.

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#11 RE: Consultanguage Vol 1 - 'The acronyms and business bullsh*t terms of the industry'
08/11/2006 19:01

Will to Dave McConsultant (#1)

I hate the term CoOE (pronounced cooee). Every time you say it you either sound like Kenneth Williams in Carry on Camping or a character out of the Famous Five.

Btw (sic), CoOE = Centre of Operational Excellence. I have no idea why we can't just call it a COE.

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#12 RE: Consultanguage Vol 1 - 'The acronyms and business bullsh*t terms of the industry'
08/11/2006 19:29

Anon to anon (#10)

Just thought of two other fake ones:

<i>"Biting the pillow"</i> is based on the old joke/wives tale about the man who dreams he is eating a giant marshmallow, only to discover when he awakes that his pillow is missing (i.e. he had eaten it in his sleep).

A "pillow biter" is someone who is about to do something silly or foolish because they are oblivious to the real world or are totally misinformed - they are acting in a dream state. In their own mind, they are making an excellent decision or taking advantage of pure arbitrage. Someone who has "drunk the Kool-Aid" may also be inclined to "eat their pillow".

A "pillow biter" will realise the foolishness of their decision when they wake up. Some people are habitual "pillow biters" who make lots of bad decisions but wake themselves when they start choking.

However, sometimes a client will be a "pillow biter" who is too afraid of losing face to wake themselves up and face the fact they made a bad call. They are just too chicken. In these circumstances, as a good consultant, you sometimes have to step in and choke them for their own good to wake them up.

This is called <i>"choking the chicken"</i>. If you are prepared to "choke your client's chicken" every now and then, it can take the relationship to new levels - they will have respect for your honesty and objective clear-sightedness.

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#13 RE: Consultanguage Vol 1 - 'The acronyms and business bullsh*t terms of the industry'
08/11/2006 19:38

R to Anon (#12)

Right... great original idea: not to JUST spout the sh*t, but explain it too... and yet I read this post:

"just few from the sc sector:

WMS/SAP/MRP/MPS/AFO/APF/TPM/SSCC/RFID//SKU/BtB and all the FIFO/FEFO/LIFO and the list goes on"

Ok, thanks for that A... perhaps someone can translate?!

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#14 RE: Consultanguage Vol 1 - 'The acronyms and business bullsh*t terms of the industry'
08/11/2006 21:47

econimous to R (#13)

These are the ones I know:

SC = Supply Chain

SAP = a software company, originally called Systems Applications and Products in Data Processing

MRP = Manufacturer's Recommended Price

RFID = Radio Frequency Identification

SKU = Stock Keeping Unit

BtB = Back to Basics

FIFO = First In, First Out

LIFO = Last In, First Out

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#15 RE: Consultanguage Vol 1 - 'The acronyms and business bullsh*t terms of the industry'
08/11/2006 23:01

Rob to econimous (#14)

I prefer the acronym LILO to FIFO and the acronym FILO to LIFO. Mean pretty much the same thing technically, but pastries and swimming pools sound more fun.

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#16 RE: Consultanguage Vol 1 - 'The acronyms and business bullsh*t terms of the industry'
08/11/2006 23:06

anon to Dave McConsultant (#1)

Does anyone know what G.O.L.F. stands for? Is it a new type of technology? The partners at my firm seem to be doing a lot of projects on it.

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#17 RE: Consultanguage Vol 1 - 'The acronyms and business bullsh*t terms of the industry'
08/11/2006 23:08

Boxershorts to econimous (#14)

I know of an alternate to FIFO (First In First Out) that is along the lines of JFDI.

FIFO = Fit In or F*** Off

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#18 RE: Consultanguage Vol 1 - 'The acronyms and business bullsh*t terms of the industry'
09/11/2006 00:30

Dave McConsultant to Boxershorts (#17)

Original poster here!

I have started some good threads in recent weeks (back me up Tony!) but this could be the greatest:

acronym or business bullsh*t phrase followed by an explanation gets you in, as does a sharp observation. Loving G.O.L.F by the way, might have to build some training into my next development session...

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#19 RE: Consultanguage Vol 1 - 'The acronyms and business bullsh*t terms of the industry'
09/11/2006 07:21

Tony Restell (Top-Consultant.com) to Dave McConsultant (#18)

Dave - have certainly watched this one with some amusement! Keep up the good work! Tony

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#20 RE: Consultanguage Vol 1 - 'The acronyms and business bullsh*t terms of the industry'
09/11/2006 11:02

PLMconsultant to Dave McConsultant (#1)

I have teams of consultants writing training and methods. The top acronym for me as used at least twice a day on some clients is:

RTFM (READ THE F&*$^&G MANUAL)

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#21 RE: Consultanguage Vol 1 - 'The acronyms and business bullsh*t terms of the industry'
09/11/2006 11:56

Boxershorts to PLMconsultant (#20)

TMI = Too Much Information.

Usually used in situations where someone tells aspects of their personal life which are not really relevant nor appropriate to discuss in the business context. Or if it's just gross.

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#22 RE: Consultanguage Vol 1 - 'The acronyms and business bullsh*t terms of the industry'
10/11/2006 10:35

martin to Boxershorts (#21)

My lot have a PIF - a Project Initiation Form which is a pretty form that gets stuffed in a file and forgotten. When asked for it my usual response is "PIF off".

groans

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#23 RE: Consultanguage Vol 1 - 'The acronyms and business bullsh*t terms of the industry'
10/11/2006 14:44

FridayFeeling to martin (#22)

BAR - Business Approval Review. In reality, my time would be better spent propping up the.

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#24 RE: Consultanguage Vol 1 - 'The acronyms and business bullsh*t terms of the industry'
10/11/2006 15:06

Elf to FridayFeeling (#23)

DOM - "Do On Monday" (noun)

It means an action point that you realise whilst on a training course or while reading a book, that you need to implement as soon as you get back into the office.

This acronym is just plain domb if you ask me. Tee hee.

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#25 RE: Consultanguage Vol 1 - 'The acronyms and business bullsh*t terms of the industry'
10/11/2006 16:12

Geoff to Elf (#24)

The best i've come across recently was from an analyst who decribed something as a POOMA slide, pronounced "Poooooma"

POOMA slide

"pulled out of my ass"

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#26 RE: Consultanguage Vol 1 - 'The acronyms and business bullsh*t terms of the industry'
10/11/2006 18:21

fisherman to Dave McConsultant (#1)

CBAS / "seabass", as in:

"The client said that he hasn't got the budget for a large BPR programme, but I think he's just got seabass."

or,

"I'd love to take you out for dinner tonight, but I've got seabass."

CBAS = Can't Be Arsed Syndrome

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#27 RE: Consultanguage Vol 1 - 'The acronyms and business bullsh*t terms of the industry'
13/11/2006 11:43

gaz to fisherman (#26)

WIIFM = what's in it for me

It takes as long to prononce as saying the whole ruddy thing.

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#28 RE: Consultanguage Vol 1 - 'The acronyms and business bullsh*t terms of the industry'
13/11/2006 13:01

freddie to gaz (#27)

Two phrases really annoy me at present:

"Step up to the plate." and "Right off the bat."

Even in a country where baseball is widely played and followed, their usage and overexposure would be risible. Over here however, they are a manifestation of our slavish adherence to US phraseology. Stop it, like, now.

P.S., not really MC related but do any of you get annoyed by the phrase "early doors"? Where did this come from? (can't be bothered to do any research - you do the searching for me).

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#29 RE: Consultanguage Vol 1 - 'The acronyms and business bullsh*t terms of the industry'
13/11/2006 14:12

A Non to freddie (#28)

COP = Close Of Play

Two things annoy me about this one.

1) Okay, so when you say COP Wednesday you mean the end of Wednesday, but when is teh close of play? Is it 5.30? 5.00? 19.00? Why not just say when you actually mean to avoid disappointment if my close of play is 6pm and yours is 5pm? Where I often see the term used, it actually doesn't mean the end of the day but rather the start of the next day. Close of play = everyone's gone home so it is a moot point what time it is.

2) A specific gripe about the way I see COP used is when someone is giving you a piece of work and what they really mean is "I don't care how late you have to work, I'm going home and when I get in in the morning I want to be able to pick up the results."

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#30 RE: Consultanguage Vol 1 - 'The acronyms and business bullsh*t terms of the industry'
16/11/2006 13:03

Boxershorts to freddie (#28)

EARLY DOORS:

There are two, related, schools of thought on this one: first, it could refer to the time before a paid event (as in showbiz - "the early door looks good" meaning there's a crowd lined up waiting to pay their cover charge well before the doors are scheduled to open, so chances are good of a heavy turnout and a profitable take at the door.

Second, and more likely, the phrase originated in London in the 60s. The doors are pub doors and the phrase refers to the quiet time in pubs just after the doors open, but before the main rush - around 5.30ish. Of course that was in the days that pubs waited until late afternoon to open.

CLOSE OF PLAY:

This term originates from cricket. It means the end of the scheduled day's play, as called by the umpire. Of course, as it's evolved in business terms (similar to Close of Business), it means roughly "before I come in tomorrow".

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#31 RE: Consultanguage Vol 1 - 'The acronyms and business bullsh*t terms of the industry'
16/11/2006 16:18

blah blah to Boxershorts (#30)

A simple email response or one word reply - NIKE.

"Just do it"

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#32 RE: Consultanguage Vol 1 - 'The acronyms and business bullsh*t terms of the industry'
16/11/2006 16:45

Bob to blah blah (#31)

CYA - Cover your ass

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#33 RE: Consultanguage Vol 1 - 'The acronyms and business bullsh*t terms of the industry'
19/11/2006 20:17

noeyedear to Dave McConsultant (#1)

kabuki? any eye-dears?

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#34 RE: Consultanguage Vol 1 - 'The acronyms and business bullsh*t terms of the industry'
21/11/2006 02:16

Ger to noeyedear (#33)

"I'll do that till tomorrow EOB" (End Of Business aka late at night)

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#35 RE: Consultanguage Vol 1 - 'The acronyms and business bullsh*t terms of the industry'
25/11/2006 00:51

Anon to Dave McConsultant (#1)

Here are a couple more sources:

http://www.gettingdrunkinfirstclass.com/consultantese/phrases/

http://greendotlife.com/viewtopic.php?t=48

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#36 RE: Consultanguage Vol 1 - 'The acronyms and business bullsh*t terms of the industry'
04/12/2006 11:26

Tom to Anon (#35)

pillow biter and chicken choker. I think ill keep those to myself.

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